Far Away
by starspangledlibra
Summary: Rei and Nagisa, now about to be third-year students, visit a university together, but when Nagisa fails to take the visit seriously, Rei begins to wonder about their future together. They're best friends now, but what will happen once they graduate? (Slight future AU)
1. Chapter 1- It's Only Natural

Rei loved watching his best friend sleep. He was well aware of how creepy that might sound, so he never told anyone, not even Nagisa himself. In fact, the little blond would probably give him the hardest time out of anyone if he ever mentioned it to him. But that didn't change the fact that when Nagisa slept, he looked like an angel. That when those magenta eyes closed, and the soft lines on his face faded into nothing, he looked so serene, so peaceful, which was a complete contrast from how he was when he was awake. Even now, with his head leaning against the window of the train, with his hair ruffled from movement, and cookie crumbs in his lap, there was something about the way the sunlight hit his face, giving a gleam to his lightly tanned skin. He was beautiful.

"Mmmm, Rei-chan," the blond mumbled. ReI froze. Had Nagisa heard him; was he making too much noise and woken his friend up? He had thought for sure that all of those things had stayed in his head like they were supposed to, but maybe something had slipped out…

"Yes?" he answered hesitantly. "What is it?" Silence pervaded for a moment, and then:

"Rei-chan, your butt… looks nice in that speedo, but… I think it's too small…"

"Erg-?!" A deep blush spread across Rei's cheeks before he realized what was happening. Then he groaned. Nagisa was still asleep. Of course. How could he have forgotten about his friend's unfortunate tendency to talk in his sleep? So often when Nagisa was sleeping nearby, either at night, or at lunch break, during one of Nagisa's frequent afternoon naps, Rei would hear his name, along with what was usually incoherent nonsense, and then all would fall silent once again, indicating that the other boy was indeed still asleep. This was exactly what happened here; though Nagisa stirred, he did nothing to acknowledge Rei's attention, and so with a sigh, Rei returned to his book, the hint of a smile on his face.

The truth was, he actually found it slightly endearing, if not a little odd, that the blond dreamt about him so much (sometimes he almost wished he could see these dreams, maybe catch a glimpse of what was going on inside that head of his). But what did that mean? Weren't dreams simply desires or fears stored deep in the human subconscious? If that was true, then, well, he knew Nagisa didn't fear him, so did he desire him, or…

Rei shook these thoughts away. What kind of conclusion was he trying to draw from these thoughts anyway? That Nagisa liked him? Loved him? Secretly desired to have Rei all to himself? What proof did he have- just because he was constantly touching him, and that he mumbled his name a few times a week; did that mean… No. That was ridiculous! Nagisa showered everyone with physical affection; that was just who he was. And as for the dreams, they were best friends.. Ever since Rei had joined the swim team nearly two years ago, they had become nearly inseparable. They did everything together. They went to school together, always jogging the last mile, sometimes Rei jogging the last half mile with Nagisa on his back, if he was particularly tired that morning. They ate lunch together, they swam together, they did homework together, though doing homework together often meant that Rei would do all the work, and Nagisa would get up to make snacks, and then copy the answers when he returned. They hung out on the weekends together, at the beach, or at the movies… Even now, here they were, visiting their first university together. It all made sense. Nagisa spent so much time with Rei; of course he thought about him a lot. Therefore, it was only natural that Rei would appear in his dreams, as he was so often in his thoughts.

Yes. There was nothing wrong with that- two best friends spending a lot of time together, one appearing in the other's dreams sometimes. Rei had never once dreamed about Nagisa; well actually, he had, a few times in fact, but the nature of these dreams was not something he cared to discuss with Nagisa, or well, really anyone. Rei could feel the blush rising in his cheeks again, his pants suddenly feeling tighter at the memory of those dreams. Not that there was anything wrong with that either; this was just information that he didn't want to share with anyone, lest they get the wrong idea. As a teenage boy, Rei had needs and urges sometimes, and, well… Nagisa was an attractive young man, whom he often saw with his shirt off during swim practice. He was also usually the last person that Rei would see, who wasn't a family member, before he went to bed. It was only natural.

Rei was brought back to the present when he felt a weight suddenly drop onto his shoulder. He turned to find that that weight was Nagisa's head. Normally, he didn't mind it when Nagisa used him as a pillow; he did it all the time, but right now, the tightness in his pants was already making him uncomfortable, and he feared it would only get worse if he let the small blond stay where he was, with his head on his shoulder, his hand brushing up against his thigh. Rei squirmed in discomfort and crossed his legs. Yeah, he definitely had to move him. And so, as gently as possible, Rei reached over with his free arm and shook his friend lightly.

"Nagisa-kun… Nagisa-kun?" Slowly, the other boy awoke, mumbling something along the lines of 'what time is it?' as he sat up and rubbed his eyes.

"Oh hi, Rei-Chan," he said with a yawn. "Are we there yet?" Rei shook his head.

"Not yet. Almost. Just a couple more hours."

"A couple more hours?" he whined. "But Rei-chan, we've been on the train all day!"

"No, not all day. We've only been on this train for five hours, and…" He glanced at his watch. "Twenty-three minutes."

"Ugh, it feels even longer when you say it like that! We should have gone to Osaka first- that's where Mako-chan and Haru-chan are going in April… And it's a lot closer."

"Quit complaining. I was nice enough to register the both of us for this visit; I could have easily just registered myself. Besides, weren't you the one who said that we should do this together, something about the bond of going on a trip with your best friend?"

"Well, yeah, but I didn't know it would take this long. I thought we'd be flying!"

"Plane tickets to Tokyo would have cost too much money, especially on such short notice. Besides, I… don't like flying very much." He broke Nagisa's gaze and stared down awkwardly at the floor of the train. "Air sickness is not beautiful."

Nagisa laughed. "Ahh, that's right! I guess you wouldn't want to fly again, huh; not after what happened on the flight to nationals."

Rei groaned. "Don't remind me."

"Well, it wasn't all bad though! The stewardess was really nice and gave us all whatever we wanted for the rest of the flight."

"Oh, and I'm sure it was great for you, with your three ice cream sundaes and strawberry soda! I couldn't keep anything down!"

"Ahh, yeah, I guess you're right; it was more fun for the rest of us than it was for you... Sorry, Rei-chan."

"Well, the whole experience was not entirely awful, I suppose. The free movie service we received did help take my mind off of things a bit. And we did end up winning the tournament, so it was all worth it in the end."

Nagisa smiled. "Yeah… But if it saves Rei-chan's stomach to take the train, then I guess it's better to take the train… It's so boring just sitting here though! And my iPod died earlier this morning."

"Well, you should have charged it last night like I tol… Here, just use mine," he said, pulling a purple MP3 player out of his bag. Immediately, Nagisa's eyes lit up.

"Ooh, I get to listen to Rei-chan's music; this will be fun!" He turned on the iPod and began untangling the earbuds. "But… what will you listen to?" Rei smirked.

"I don't need to listen to anything right now; I've brought my book, which will keep me perfectly entertained until we… reach… Tokyo." But before he could finish his sentence, the smaller boy had already jammed an earbud into his ear, taking the other one for himself.

"We'll share, ok?" he asked. Then, not waiting for an answer, he chose the first song. Rei groaned as he heard what he knew to be the beginnings of the song Butterfly by Smile. Nagisa played this for him all the time, ever since learning that Rei had a thing for butterflies. He had played it the entire week incessantly, after the team had found that Rei could do the butterfly stroke. He thought it was slightly cheesy back then, but now, it was just plain annoying. His annoyance slowly faded into confusion, however, as he realized something important. "Wait, how did-" he started, but Nagisa had already broken down into a fit of giggles. "It was you- you put this on my iPod, didn't you?!"

"N-no… I don't know what you're talking about! Nagisa tried his best to answer with a straight face, but he ultimately failed and started laughing again. At Rei's glare, he simply smiled. "Aww, lighten up, Rei-chan," he said as he nudged his friend in the ribs. "I know you love this song!" Rei turned away, pushing his glasses further up the bridge of his nose.

"Love is hardly the word I would use to describe my feelings for this song. I'm deleting it as soon as we get home." But the sight of the blond bouncing excitedly in his seat to the obnoxious tune, his dark pink eyes so alive, so happy; that happiness was contagious. Rei sighed. Maybe the song wasn't so bad after all.


	2. Chapter 2- Focus

"Ryugazaki Rei," he muttered to himself as he scanned the check-in tables for his folder. "Ahh, found it!" He quickly picked it up off the table, opened it up, and pulled out his name tag, sticking it on the left side of his shirt before beginning to search for Nagisa's folder. In his excitement, the blond had run off to who knows where, disappearing into the crowd of students before Rei could give him further instructions. He knew that events such as these were usually planned out by the hour, so they would at least need schedules, plus they needed nametags and their room assignments, since the university would be their home for the next two and a half days. But the chances that Nagisa would actually remember to pickup these items were slim to none, so Rei carefully searched the tables once again until he found a red folder with the name Hazuki Nagisa printed on it. As expected, he hadn't even bothered to come over here… Rei let out an almost inaudible tsk sound as he snatched it up off the table; Nagisa was so careless sometimes. Luckily, Rei was diligent enough for the both of them.

After moving away from the check in area, he noticed that most of the students were filing into the auditorium, so he figured that he should probably do the same. He would catch up with Nagisa sooner more likely than later. After all, this assembly was mandatory. And, sure enough, as soon as he entered, Nagisa was waiting for him in one of the middle rows. "Rei-chan! Over here!" he called, waving his arms. Rei nodded at his friend in acknowledgment. Well, at least he was on time. He hurried to Nagisa's row and took a seat, motioning for him to do the same. And for a moment, it was pleasantly quiet between the two of them. Rei wasn't planning to lecture Nagisa on what he did, he really wasn't. To be honest, he was just content that he hadn't had to go on a search and drag to the auditorium mission. But then… "Geeze Rei-chan, finally!" he said, drawing out the last word for emphasis. "Where were you?"

Rei narrowed his eyes, glaring at Nagisa. "Where was I? Where was _I_? Where were _you_?! You're the one who ditched me as soon as we got here!"

"Ehh? What are you talking about?"

"Once we got to the campus, you ran off!"

A flash of guilt crossed Nagisa's features. He smiled at Rei sheepishly. "I'm sorry; I got excited, and I thought you were behind me! But then I turned around and you weren't there, and I saw they had snacks in the lobby, so I just decided to… Wait- where did you go, anyway?"

"I actually did something productive and got our welcome packets."

"We have welcome packets?" Rei sighed heavily and handed Nagisa's folder over to him.

"Here. Take it."

"Thanks, Rei-chan!" He had only just started going through the folder's contents when the voice of a young woman rang through the auditorium. All at once, everyone fell silent, their attention turned to the speaker on the stage.

"Good afternoon and welcome!" said the woman cheerfully. "I'm Ms. Haniko, and I am the coordinator of the welcome weekend here at this university. For the next two and a half days, this university will be your home, and so I hope you find your stay here to be a pleasant one. You will all be staying in our special guest dorms; you should find your room assignment in your welcome packet. If you have not already done so, at the conclusion of this assembly, you can tag and drop off your bags off in the lobby; we will be having volunteers deliver them to your rooms, so that they'll be there waiting for you when you settle in for the night. Now, as for the itinerary for the weekend, you will find that starting on page two of your welcome packet. Today, you'll be taking a tour of the campus, so you'll get to see everything from the classroom buildings, to the rec center, the labs, the student lounge…"

As the woman spoke, Rei listened diligently, like any good student would, following along in the packet as she went over their schedule for the weekend. He glanced around, and it looked as if most everyone else was doing the same. Some were even taking notes. He smiled. It was refreshing to see such focus and interest in the academics, since he so rarely saw that at home. Well, no, that wasn't true; he so rarely saw that in the people that he actually spent time with back at home. And he loved his friends, but… Haruka was focused on swimming, and would often leave class early just to use the school's pool. Makoto always did his homework, but his focus was more on… Haruka. And Nagisa… He glanced over next to him to find Nagisa doodling a picture of Iwatobi-chan on the back of his folder. Rei shook his head. He tapped Nagisa on the shoulder and pointed at the speaker on stage, instructing him to pay attention, but the blond just pouted and leaned his head against Rei's shoulder for the duration of the talk.

At first, it made Rei feel uncomfortable to have Nagisa so close, where everyone could see them, but gradually, his anxiety faded. It wasn't as if anybody was paying attention to them, anyway, right? _Of course not_, he thought to himself. _Why would they be?_ He slowly relaxed and leaned his head down on top of Nagisa's head, only for a second though, until he remembered where he was, and then he shot back up in his seat. At first, Nagisa said nothing; he merely raised a brow at Rei's odd behavior. Then came his sly grin, and finally, "Something wrong, Rei-chan?"

Of course, he had to ask this while nuzzling his face against Rei's arm and rubbing their shoes together as if he was trying to start a game of footsies. Briefly, he wondered if he had fallen asleep and was dreaming right now. Because this was how his last dream with Nagisa had started. They were just playing footsies. At first… and then…

"Rei-chan? Is something wrong?" Nagisa repeated, this time, a hint of concern in his voice. Rei discretely pinched himself and looked around. Nothing had changed.

"Nope, not dreaming," he murmured.

"What?"

"Uhh- nothing. It's- nothing. I'm fine. But if you're going to lean on me, may I at least ask that you do it facing forward? Maybe then, you'll actually listen to the presentation."

"Aww, but that's not fair! You're not paying attention; why do I have to?"

" Hey, I was-I am paying attention," Rei huffed.

"Then what did she just say?"

"She… we're on… we were just on page… Well it's not like you would know either!"

"Oooh, I knew it! Rei-chan sleeping at a school event; I'm surprised at you!"

"I wasn't sleeping!" A couple of students in the surrounding rows turned to look at him, which told him he was being too loud. _Oh no. Oh god no. _He had drawn attention to himself'; this was the last thing he wanted. Rei ducked his head in embarrassment and lowered his voice. "I wasn't sleeping," he repeated. "I just… zoned out for a moment, which is perfectly reasonable, since I didn't get much sleep on the train. But now we are both going to pay attention, so that we know what to do and where to go for small groups tomorrow."

"We have small groups?"

"Exactly. Now face forward, and pay attention, and stop drawing those ridiculous pictures of our mascot."

"Ok, ok, sheesh! Someone's bossy today."

"I'm not being bossy. I simply think it would be beneficial for you to pay at-"

Nagisa laughed. "It's ok, Rei-chan; I don't mind. I like it when you take charge sometimes! You make sure things get done, and then…"

_He likes it when- does he even realize what he's saying? Wait, what is he saying? He's still talking. Pull it together, Ryugazaki; he's still talking!_

"…So do you think you're ready to take over for Mako-chan?" Nagisa finished, as Rei forced himself to focus on the words again. Swim captain? When had the topic switched to swimming? Nagisa looked at him expectantly, while Rei tried to mentally catch up with what was happening. And, after several long seconds of attempting to come up with an intelligible answer, he settled on the ever eloquent:

"…Huh?"

"I asked if you're ready to take over Mako-chan's spot as swim team captain this year. Geeze, Rei-chan; face forward and pay attention," he said, mimicking Rei's tone from earlier.

"Oh- I- of course!"

But the blond was no longer listening; instead he leaned his head back against Rei's arm, scooting in closer so that their thighs were touching. "So," he whispered. "I wasn't listening to the part about the dorm rooms. We get to be roommates, right?" He grinned and Rei just nodded, trying to ignore the blond boy pressed right up against him and focus on the assembly.

"Oh, good! Because Rei-chan makes the best pillow."

"D-don't say such things in public! And you won't be using me as a pillow; you'll have your own bed."

"Aww. Too bad."

Rei turned away as he felt the blush rise in his cheeks. Well, if there was one thing Nagisa was focused on, other than swimming and eating, it was making Rei flustered. And right now, intentional or not, he was doing an excellent job of it.

* * *

_**Author's note:**_ Thanks for reading! We'll get to more plot next time; I promise. For now, just setting the stage with these two cute dorks

(Also, yes, there is implied Mako/Haru if you squint, but they don't actually appear in this story, so if that pairing's not your thing, don't worry; they're not a main focus. :P)


	3. Chapter 3- It Hurts to Pretend

The library had to be Rei's favorite part of the tour. Or, at least, the one they were in right now. There were other libraries on campus, five to be exact, but this one was by far the biggest. And the fanciest. Rei loved everything about it. The way his shoes sounded against the marble floors, the way the grand mahogany bookshelves seemed to stretch on for eternity, the way the books smelled, old and new, mixing together…it was beautiful. The library consisted of four floors, and each floor had different sections, which were clearly marked, and each section contained a specific category of books. He was currently perusing the physics section. He eyed the books longingly, wondering what it would be like to have thousands of studies of acceleration and motion at his fingertips whenever he wanted. There were so many- he couldn't possibly read them all before graduation… Still, he could try…

"Rei-chan," a voice behind him whispered. "Rei-chan, the group is leaving; we gotta go!" He felt hands tugging on sleeve, and he sighed.

"And since when do you care about following the group, Nagisa-kun?" he asked incredulously. "I seem to remember you were more than happy to let them leave you at the cafeteria earlier."

"Yeah, but that was different!"

"Why? Because you like the cafeteria, and the library bores you?"

"Ahh no!… I mean not really… Ok, yes- what gave it away?"

Rei snorted. "Your disinterest in anything academic you mean? I don't know, but if we're just talking about the library, you falling asleep on the couch downstairs was a pretty good indicator. That's why I left you to come up here; I figured I'd just wake you up on my way out."

"Aww, Rei-chan is so considerate," Nagisa said, giggling. "But seriously, we have to go! Everyone's leaving, and it's important that we stay with our group; you said that yourself, so come on; let's go!" The blond tugged on his jacket once again, this time with enough force to actually move Rei a few inches forward before he shook him off.

"All right all right; I'm coming." He took one last look at his temporary sanctuary before following Nagisa down the stairs. He hadn't had nearly enough time to explore the library like he'd wanted to, but he resolved that he'd be back before the weekend was over. Though to do that, he'd have to lose Nagisa somehow, and he wasn't quite sure how he would do that, especially with how Nagisa had been acting today. He was so… clingy. True, Nagisa was clingy all the time, especially with Rei, but today, it seemed like he was trying extra hard to be close to him. All throughout the tour so far, he'd been constantly touching Rei, pulling on his arm, poking him in the side, playing with his glasses… Not that he normally minded this kind of attention; he had long since gotten used to it from Nagisa. But right now, when he was trying to focus on all this university had to offer, the blonde's antics were a huge distraction. He'd definitely have to find something to keep his friend occupied if he had any hopes of sneaking away later…

It turns out the group had left without them, but they didn't get too far, and Rei and Nagisa caught up to them easily. "So, where are we going next?" Nagisa asked, looking up at Rei expectantly. "

"Well, I believe that the recreation center is our next stop, so…" he trailed off as he felt their hands touch. He flinched, and he expected Nagisa to pull away, but he didn't. Instead, he slid his hand into Rei's and laced their fingers together. Rei felt Nagisa give his hand a light squeeze, and he panicked. What did this mean? What was he supposed to do? Was anyone watching? Did anyone notice? Did they care? Frantic thoughts like these ran through his mind until he felt another light squeeze on his palm. He looked down at Nagisa, who offered him a warm smile. "So we don't get separated," he explained, gesturing to their interlocked hands. He closed his eyes and smiled wider in the way he always did when he was genuinely happy. Rei didn't have the heart to tell him to let go. Even though his heart was pounding in his chest. And his hand was sweaty. He wondered if Nagisa noticed… If he did, he didn't say anything. In fact, he acted as if this were the most natural thing in the world, two third year boys, holding hands, and…

_He's swinging our hands back and forth. There's a rhythm in his step… Is he trying to skip? Is he trying to get me to skip? I will not do that! That's inappropriate for boys our age! We're already holding hands like we're in grade school…_

"Hey look, there it is!" Nagisa shouted excitedly, once again pulling Rei out of his thoughts. He pointed to the rec center. "Oh I hope they have a pool- do they have a pool?" he asked their group leader. The leader nodded.

"Yes; the university has a very nice pool that is open year round since it's indoors. Unfortunately, the swim team is having practice right now, so we can't let you go in there, but we'll pass by it on our way to the gym."

Of course, Nagisa wanted to do more than just pass by, so he hung at the back as the group filed into the recreation center. He stopped at the doors of the pool room and tightened his grip on Rei's hand, signaling that they were in this together. Once everyone else was safely out of sight, they snuck inside. And once they saw what awaited them on the other side, Rei was secretly glad that Nagisa had made him do this. The pool was huge, much larger than their high school pool, and it was filled with dozens of talented swimmers. Graceful, agile bodies took turns diving in, with perfect form, and then effortlessly gliding through the water to the end of the pool and back. Rei's eyes fixated on the boy in lane three; he was swimming backstroke. And doing a beautiful job of it, if he did say so himself. Of course, no one would be able to fully replace Makoto, but if he and Nagisa joined the swim team here, and they wanted to do a relay, then this boy might make a good addition to their team.

The boy must have noticed Rei's staring, however, because he stopped mid-stroke and swam to the edge of the pool. "Is… something wrong?" he asked. "Can I help you?"

"O-oh no, uhhh- we were just-" he paused, noticing the lack of weight on his hand. Nagisa was about ten feet away now. "…I was just… admiring your stroke."

"Oh, really? Thanks! I'm still working to get faster though, cut a few more seconds off my time, you know?" He grinned. "So, are you a swimmer too?"

"Yes. I am on my high school swim team. And I'm going to be captain this year." A small surge of pride swelled through him as he said this. Captain Ryugazaki; it really did have a nice ring to it.

"Ahh, captain; impressive! What stroke do you swim?"

"Butterfly."

"Cool; what about your boyfriend?"

Rei's face paled. "B-booy-friend?" he sputtered. _Boyfriend?_ He knew he needed to correct this misunderstanding, but his vocal cords wouldn't cooperate, and all he managed to do was stand there like an idiot and open and close his mouth a few times.

The backstroke swimmer seemed oblivious to his inner turmoil, so he continued. "Yeah, that kid with the blonde hair over there; you two are dating, right? What stroke does he swim? He seems to like the water a lot…"

Rei's eyes flitted anxiously between the backstroke swimmer and Nagisa, who had taken off his shoes and socks, and was now dipping his feet in the water. He swallowed and opened his mouth again, but still, no sound came out.

"… Oh, uhh- was I wrong? I'm sorry; I didn't mean to assume! It's just, I thought, with you two holding hands when you came in here, and…"

"No!" Rei blurted out. "No- I mean yes, yes, you were wrong. Nagisa-kun and I are just friends who go to the same high school. G-good friends, but… friends. Definitely friends."

"Ahh, my bad. Sorry about that." The other boy looked about as embarrassed as Rei felt, and he desperately tried to change the subject. "So, uhh your friend's name is Nagisa… What's yours?"

"R-rei."

"Ha! That's funny; you guys have girly names! Me too! My name is Yumi." And Rei couldn't help but smile. A near perfect backstroke and a girly name? Yes, he would fit in perfectly. All they would need to do now was find a freestyle swimmer to join their little group, and with all this talent in the room, he was sure that they could find somebody…

"So, Yumi… Have you ever considered swimming in a relay?" But before Yumi could answer, there was a loud splash, followed by high-pitched giggling. Rei gritted his teeth and slowly turned his head toward the source of the noise, though he already knew what he would find. And sure enough, there was Nagisa, fully clothed, in the school pool. He pushed off against the wall and started swimming, the weight of the wet clothes not appearing to slow him down at all. "Why?" Rei murmured under his breath. "Why?"

"Rei-chan!" Nagisa called. He splashed some water in Rei's direction to get his attention. "Come on in! The water feels amazing!"

"No. I did not bring a suit, and I am not going swimming in my clothes."

"Oh… well just take your clothes off then!"

"NAGISA-KUN!"

"What? I skinny dip all the time; it feels great! And we're all guys in here, so there's nothing to be embarrassed about!" He took off his sweater, and then his shirt underneath. All eyes were on him and Nagisa. Rei froze. He felt his face get hot; he didn't like being the center of attention, especially not when it involved Nagisa stripping. Was he really planning on getting naked here in front of all these people? Rei couldn't watch. He buried his face in his hands, but before Nagisa could shed any more clothing, a low, booming voice told him to stop.

"Uh oh," Yumi muttered. "Captain's back. You guys better go before-" But it was too late. The swim captain rushed over, yelling at Nagisa to get out of the pool. "Hey, you! This is a training pool for serious athletes, not some play pool for you to splash around in! Get out! And you!" He pointed at Rei.

"Me?"

"You're not allowed in here either- this is a closed swim practice! Do you know what that means?"

"Y-yes." Rei shifted his gaze to the floor, deeply ashamed. "I'm very sorry. We …just …wanted to see the pool… we're swimmers too." With each pause, his voice grew softer, weaker under the stern gaze of the swim captain.

"Whatever," he growled. "Just get him outta here. And don't let it happen again."

"Oh, it won't; I promise." Rei winced; that was the voice of their group leader. They had been caught. "Ryugazaki! Hazuki! Come here!" Nagisa hastily pulled his clothes back on and hoisted himself out of the pool to join Rei. "Ditching the group, interrupting a closed swim practice, what were you two thinking?"

Nagisa pursed his lips together. "I was thinking… That I really wanted to swim!" he answered finally. He flashed her a bright smile, but it only seemed to make her angrier. A few students in the group and some of the boys in the pool snickered at Nagisa's comment.

"Don't get smart with me, Mr. Hazuki. Try it again, and you won't like the consequences. And you- Ryugazaki-" Rei inhaled sharply. He wanted nothing more than to disappear right now, just to sink down into the water and never come up. He grimaced and steeled himself for the worst. "What were you thinking?"

"I- I- nothing, Ma'am. I apologize."

"Apologize to them," she instructed., gesturing toward the swim team. Nagisa and Rei turned and bowed their heads.

"We're very sorry for interrupting your practice," they said, almost in unison. The captain responded with a scoff.

"Whatever." They took that as their cue to leave. Once they were outside, the group leader told them to head back to the dorms and change into some dry clothes. She warned them not to do anything like this again. Rei wasn't wet at all, but he wasn't about to argue. Besides, the tour was almost over anyway. And so, after one last apology, Rei grabbed Nagisa's arm and together they set off towards the residence halls. It was a particularly cold day for March, and with Nagisa's wet clothes and hair, it wasn't any surprise to Rei when he started shivering.

"S-sss-so c-cold," he whined. "How mmm-much f-further?"

"A little further; just keep walking" Rei responded coldly. "And it's your own fault, you know." But as the minutes of silence dragged on, Rei found that he couldn't ignore his friend's growing discomfort. His teeth were chattering, his shoulders trembled… Then, when the wind picked up and nipped at their faces, Nagisa whimpered, and Rei couldn't take it anymore. With a sigh, he took off his jacket and draped it around the smaller boy. He received a grateful smile in return.

"Thanks, Rei-chan; you're the best." His cold hand clasped onto Rei's, as if trying to steal more of his warmth, and he moved in closer so that their sides were touching. Rei grunted at the contact; now his clothes were going to get wet. But, seeing as they were almost to the dorms, he decided it didn't really matter too much. He pulled his hand away, but only so he could wrap an arm around Nagisa's shoulders, and Nagisa huddled against Rei as they walked. It was strange, Rei thought- not that they were doing this, but how natural it felt. To just hand Nagisa his jacket… to pull him in close to keep him warm… Would he do this for anyone else? _Probably not,_ he reasoned, as a blush spread across his cheeks. Rei was also starting to feel warm.

The residence halls were mostly empty when they arrived; most of the groups weren't back from their campus tour. Technically, they weren't even supposed to be able to go to their rooms yet, since not all of them were done being cleaned, but the receptionist took one look at Nagisa and handed them their room key. Rei muttered a quick thanks and hurried off, pulling Nagisa behind him. Once they found their room, Room 228, Rei ushered Nagisa into the bathroom and ordered him to get out of his wet clothes immediately. The blond sneezed in response.

"See? This is why you don't go swimming in your clothes in March," he chided. "You're going to get sick."

Nagisa sniffled. "But you have to admit, it was fun!"

"Until the captain found us and kicked us out…" he grumbled. Another sneeze. "Get out of those clothes, Nagisa-kun. And then, you should take a hot shower. It should help you feel better. I'll get some dry clothes ready for when you come out."

"Rei-chan, you sound like my mom!" He started taking off his clothes.

"Then stop acting like a chil- will you wait until I leave the room please?!"

"But we change in front of each other at swim practice all the time!"

"Yeah, well… just… wait." This earned another chuckle from the blond.

"Ok," he answered with a shrug. "Rei-chan is so weird sometimes."

"Just… get warm, all right?" He turned and left, shutting the door behind him. Rei sighed. What was wrong with him? Nagisa was right; they changed in front of each other all the time; why should now be any different? But for some reason, the thought of helping Nagisa strip off his soaked clothes made him feel… Well, he honestly didn't have a word for it, but it was a feeling he wasn't ready to deal with right now…

After taking a deep breath to compose himself, he took in the surroundings of their dorm room. It was nice, if not a little plain, but there was plenty of space for two full sized desks, two dressers, a minifridge, and of course, their beds, which had their bags on them. Rei decided to make himself useful and unpack their things. Though neither of them had brought very many outfits, Rei decided to use the both dressers anyway. Nagisa's clothes went in the left dresser; Rei's clothes went in the right. Socks and underwear went in the first drawer, shirts went in the second, and pants went in the third. Rei smiled. It felt good to be organized. He knew that with Nagisa, it would probably wouldn't stay that way, but at least the weekend would start off with everything in it's proper place. Once everything was unpacked, he selected boxers, some comfortable clothes, and a pair of fuzzy pink socks with penguins printed on them. Rei couldn't help but chuckle at these. Only Nagisa would have such ridiculous socks, but at least they looked warm, and in that sense, they were very practical.

Rei laid Nagisa's outfit out on the bed for him, and then went to go lay down on his own bed. It was surprisingly comfortable. He pulled out his book to read, but he soon found his eyes growing heavy, and before he knew it, he was being pulled into sleep.

He must not have been asleep for very long though, because he awoke to a freshly cleaned Nagisa crawling into bed with him. Rei jumped. "What are you doing?!" Nagisa however, seemed un-phased by this outburst, as he calmly tugged at the covers and pulled them over the two of them.

"I looked at our schedule," he whispered. "Dinner's not for a little while, and I'm tired, so I thought we could take a nap."

"Well, yes, that's fine, but… Why aren't you in your own bed?!"

"My bed's not as comfy as yours."

"They're exactly the same."

"No they're not!" he argued. "Besides, yours is warmer, and I'm still cold." He shivered, wrapping his arms around himself dramatically to prove his point.

Rei sighed for what felt like the millionth time that day. "Fine. You can stay."

"Really?! Yay!" Nagisa's face lit up with pure joy as he sank down into the bed and curled up against Rei's side. He lay his head on Rei's chest and closed his eyes.

"Umm, Nagisa?"

"Mmm, yes?"

"Uhh, never mind." He wanted to tell his friend that he was too close, that he needed to give him some space, that he was beginning to get those uncomfortable feelings like the ones he'd had on the train, but for some reason, the words wouldn't come. Maybe it was because Nagisa looked so comfortable… And he did have to admit, he felt warmer now that they were like this, and it was a nice kind of warm. Cozy even. He closed his eyes and pulled his arm out from under Nagisa so that he could wrap it around his waist. Yes, this was far more comfortable; he finally understood why couples slept like this together, especially, on cold nights.

_But we're not a couple._

He started to move his arm back down, but Nagisa grabbed him by the wrist and placed it back where it was. Then, he released him, but patted him on the hand first, as if to say, _don't go anywhere._ And now, Rei didn't know what to think- was Nagisa sleeping? Was this a reflex, or did he do that on purpose? Did he want Rei's arm around his waist, and if he did, was it because he was cold, or simply because the gesture felt comforting? He couldn't tell... Part of him wished that they could just go back to being first years where their main worry was teaching Rei to swim, and these complicated feelings didn't exist… Or maybe they did, but they were a lot easier to ignore…

"…Rei?"

Rei frowned. The only time Nagisa said his name without the suffix were times when he was trying to be serious, or when he was upset about something. Either way, it meant he was awake. "Yeah?" he answered. "I'm here. What is it?"

"Why does it bother you when people think we're dating?"

The silence was drowned out by the alarms going off in Rei's head. _He doesn't- he couldn't- did he hear?! There's no way he could have-_

"What do you mean?" was all he could manage to choke out as he tried to silence his thoughts.

"Well, there was that time at the festival, with the girl in the pretty dress. I think she liked you… And then, there were all those times at school; you'd see people whisper, and you'd rush us out of the cafeteria… And then today…"

Rei turned his head away. "So you heard that, huh?"

"I did, and it's not like he was trying to be mean about it, so… why does it bother you so much?"

"B-because it's not true!" He sputtered. "Because if I don't correct them, then people will… get the wrong idea about us…"

"…And what if they do?... Does it really matter?"

"Yes!"

"…Why?"

And Nagisa had a point. What did it matter what other people thought about their relationship? It wasn't as if he had a crush on someone else, so if other people came to the conclusion that he was dating his best friend, why should he care? He knew that it was illogical for him to care, but for some reason, he did… Maybe it was because…

"Because it hurts to pretend things like that," he mumbled, after a long period of silence. He squeezed his eyes shut and waited for a response, but none came. After a moment or two, he looked down to find Nagisa sound asleep in his arms. He sighed. It was probably for the best… But still… He bent his head down and kissed Nagisa's forehead. "I can't keep pretending, Nagisa-kun," he whispered. "Not even for you."


	4. Chapter 4- Trouble

"And then he ran towards the pool, but his swim trunks were falling down! So Kiko followed him out; he tried to stop him; he really did, but …"

Rei found himself zoning out as Nagisa talked. It was rude; he knew it, but he had already heard this story before. The ridiculous contest that Nagisa had held last year with the new recruits… He had been there and had seen first-hand the stupidity that had unfolded that afternoon. He didn't need to hear about it again. Besides, it's not like Nagisa was telling it for his benefit anyway; rather he was telling it for the benefit of those sitting at their table, and the small crowd that had gathered around him since he'd started the story. He found it a bit overwhelming that they were surrounded by so many people; usually at Iwatobi High, he just sat with Nagisa, Haruka, and Makoto, but Nagisa had insisted that they needed to be social and make friends. Apparently that meant having dinner with over a dozen high school students and watching Nagisa charm every single one of them. Sure, there were a few students who looked more bewildered than entertained, but most were smiling and laughing, and all of them were paying attention. As Nagisa finished up the story, everyone laughed, and at least five separate conversations started up, all disjointed as they talked over one another. Rei winced and rubbed his temples. They were so loud… Why did they have to be so loud? Nagisa had always been the one who was good with crowds, good at making friends, or at least finding people to talk to… Rei, on the other hand, had never been very good with large gatherings; he was usually the one standing awkwardly to the side, trying not to make unnecessary eye contact with people he didn't know.

Still, in spite of the noise, he was sort of glad these people were here. He didn't think he could get through dinner alone with Nagisa, not after what had happened at the dorms earlier. Of course, the blond had acted as if nothing had happened when they woke up, so if their brief conversation weighed on him at all, it certainly didn't show. He knew that their almost spooning didn't weigh on him at all; they did that more often than Rei cared to admit. But what he had said earlier-the sincerity in his voice; the hint of- was that disappointment? … That tone was gone, or at least buried for now, underneath the smiles and laughter and silly faces. It was like he had flipped a switch, and then he was the carefree Nagisa again, the Nagisa that everyone else knew. Rei only wished it was that easy for him...

"Hey, Rei-chan, I can take that for you if you want."

"Hmm?" Rei looked up from his tray to find Nagisa staring at him with his hands held out.

"Your tray. It looks like you're done, and I was about to take mine back, so you want me to take yours back too?"

"Oh. Sure. Thank you."

"Mmmkay!" He picked up Rei's empty tray, along with his own, and headed off toward the kitchen. "I'll be back in a minute; don't leave me, ok?!" The thought had never even crossed Rei's mind not to wait for Nagisa; that would be impolite, but now, with his blond friend gone, all eyes turned to him, and he was somehow in the spotlight now. Suddenly, he wanted nothing more than to leave the table and retreat to somewhere safe and quiet. But with at least half a dozen eyes watching him, that was impossible. He desperately tried to think of something entertaining to talk about, or at least small talk questions he could ask, but it turns out that their new "friends" had questions for him instead.

"So you two go to high school together?" one of them asked. "And you're on the same swim team?"

"Yes."

"What's it like?"

"I'm not sure what you-"

"Are you and him… you know?"

"…Know what? What are you talking abou-"

"Oh come on!" one of the girls interjected. "The looks that boy was giving you? What do you think we're talking about here?"

And then it finally clicked. He thought back to what Yumi had said earlier at the pool, and it appeared that these people were drawing the same conclusion. Rei's cheeks turned red, and his gaze dropped to his lap. "Ahh, you mean… N-no. No. It's not like that. We just go to school together."

"Oh, really?" said the girl, though she didn't look convinced. "That's too bad. You guys look good together." Rei felt his face growing even hotter. He sank down further in his chair; maybe he could hide under the table until Nagisa came back. Maybe…

"It's probably for the best," a voice said quietly. Rei jerked his head up and found that the voice had come from the boy sitting next to him. He stared at the boy, raising a brow as if to ask, _Was that directed towards me?_ The boy smirked. "It's for the best," he repeated. "You know, that you're not… dating that boy… Nagisa." At Rei's confused stare, the boy shook his head. "Look, I'm sure he's a good kid, and he seems like a lot of fun; it's probably exciting hanging out with someone like him all the time. But sooner or later, if you're serious about your future, and I have a feeling that you are, you're going to have to let him go... I'm not saying you need to completely stop talking to him, but Nagisa's the kind of guy you want around on the weekends when you need to unwind, not someone you want helping you study for your finals…"

There was a brief pause, and Rei wasn't sure if he should be grateful or offended by this advice. The words were harsh, but there was no hint of malice in them, and as much as Rei wanted to defend Nagisa, he found that right now he couldn't. Not when the only reason that Nagisa had passed math last year was because he copied off of Rei's perfect homework assignments…

"I apologize if I overstepped my boundaries by saying that," the boy continued. "I'm not going to tell you what to do, but Nagisa… he doesn't seem serious about college to me. And getting involved with someone like that… It could cause trouble for you later down the road."

"I'm not involved-"

And at that moment, Nagisa came bounding back to the table, a smile on his face, and a half eaten ice cream bar in his hand. "I'm baaaack!" he announced. "So I was thinking we could go for a walk, since we have some free time now; how does that sound, Rei-chan?" Rei fumbled with his glasses in response, and Nagisa took that as a yes. "Great! Let's go!" He grabbed Rei's hand and led him out of the cafeteria, but not before saying goodbye to everyone. A couple of the girls at the table gave him suspicious looks, and one of them grinned when she saw they were holding hands. The boy who had been talking to him simply stared with disapproving eyes, and Rei was only too relieved when they were finally out of his line of sight. Once they were outside, he let out a huge breath that he didn't even know he'd been holding and turned to Nagisa. "So… where would you like to go? I have a feeling you already have somewhere in mind."

Nagisa beamed. "I do! But I can't tell you. It's a surprise!"

"But-"

"Just follow me." And so Rei did. He let Nagisa lead him across campus, noting that it was now dark, and that although there were a few students out and about, it felt like it was just him and Nagisa alone… It was unnerving. A silence fell between the two of them, but it was far from their usual comfortable silence, where neither needed to say anything. Rei did need to say something; he wanted to ask about their conversation from earlier; there were things he needed to know. Why had Nagisa asked him that question? Why had he waited until now to ask it, if he had noticed it before? Why did it seem like he was frustrated with Rei's answer? And had he even heard Rei's full answer? He had been falling asleep when he asked it… Of course, none of these questions made their way to Rei's lips, as he had no idea how to go about asking them without making things even more awkward between them.

_You're thinking too much_, he scolded himself. _Again._

The absence of the cold wind nipping at his face told him that they were back inside. Rei shook his head and took a look at his surroundings. Nagisa was guiding him through the halls of a building- the science building, he believed. "Are we… allowed to be in here?" he asked uncertainly. Though he was pretty sure the answer was no.

"Hmm… You know, I'm not sure…"

"Nagisa-kun! We already got in trouble once today! If we get caught in here, we might not be welcomed back at this school ever again!"

"Relax, Rei-chan; it'll be fine! No one's gonna catch us where we're going." Though he was sure that statement was meant to reassure him, Rei didn't find it reassuring at all.

He sighed. "Will you at least tell me what we're doing in here? Or perhaps where you are taking me?"

"Nope! I told you; it's a surprise! You're gonna love it though; I promise!"

"I'm not so sure," Rei muttered. This earned a soft chuckle from Nagisa.

"Just trust me, Rei-chan. Come on!" He tightened his grip on Rei's hand and ran to the end of the hallway. He turned the corner, which led to a flight of stairs, and they went up and up, and up… By the time they reached the top, Nagisa had lost most of his momentum, but the excited smile stayed glued to his face. They pushed through the set of double doors and stepped outside. The wind came rushing at them, tousling their hair once more. Rei took a deep breath and looked around. They were outside, on the rooftop… It reminded him a little of their rooftop at Iwatobi High where they ate lunch, and he could only assume that was why Nagisa had brought him here… But this rooftop was much higher up; it offered a more scenic view of the Tokyo city skyline, which was now coming to life with the bright neon lights that attracted the city's night owls.

Nagisa released his hand and ran to the railing. Rei was quick to follow. "How did you find this place?" he asked.

"Well, during the tour, they mentioned the biology department having a rooftop garden in the summers," he explained. "It's not summer yet, but I figured it would still be a great place to see the stars. And I was right!"

Stars. Rei hadn't even thought about the stars. He followed Nagisa's awestruck gaze upwards, and his jaw dropped. There they were; gleaming white stars shining bright against the dark blue sky. It wasn't the best stargazing he had ever seen; that title would probably always belong to their first night of the swim club's training camp from two years ago. But it didn't matter. The stars would always be something that filled Rei with wonder and excitement. They were so far away, and yet sometimes, on very clear nights, it looked as though he could reach up and grab them. And they were so beautiful, even when dimmed just slightly by the city lights…

He felt a squeeze on his left hand.

"Pretty, huh, Rei-chan?" Rei turned to look at Nagisa, trying not to pay attention to his windswept hair, or the pink in his cheeks, or the warmth of his smile that seemed to warm the chill in Rei's body. Trying, but failing, that is… But Nagisa didn't seem to notice; he continued to bounce up and down slightly in the way he always did when he was waiting for Rei to respond. Wait- did he really always do that? Yes, but… why did he know that? When had he started noticing every little detail about the little blond boy?

"Beautiful," he answered finally, and Nagisa's eyes lit up.

"I knew it! I knew you would like it! So I was thinking… maybe we could sneak up here and have dinner tomorrow night, just you and me?"

Rei's eyes widened in shock. Whatever he had expected Nagisa to say, it certainly wasn't this… He turned to look at his smaller friend to try and determine what he meant by such an invitation, but Nagisa was facing away now. Rei bit down on his lower lip as he tried to think of what to say next.

_Why? Why would you want to have dinner alone with me?_

This was what he wanted to ask, but all that came out was, "Umm, but… But… Weren't you the one who said that we should be making friends? How are we going to do that if we're up here by ourselves?" He continued to stare at Nagisa's golden locks, but the blond made no move to turn around.

"Ahh, don't worry about it," he said airily. "You… we… don't need to make a lot of friends this weekend. There'll be plenty of time for that next year…"

"But you said earlier- college students need to be social, and so therefore, we should probably… try and… branch out. Besides. I really don't think we're allowed to be up here."

There was a brief moment of silence, and then Nagisa laughed. But it wasn't like any laugh Rei had ever heard from him before. It was quiet and weak, and the rhythm seemed forced. "All right all right; I get it, Rei-chan! No more rule breaking." Another forced chuckle. Some of the warmth in Rei's body faded as Nagisa unlocked their fingers and withdrew his hand. He shuffled a few feet away and leaned against the railing, looking up at the sky. "I just saw you looking really uncomfortable in there around all those people, and I wanted to help... I thought…" Both of Nagisa's hands were now gripping the bars of the railing, and maybe Rei was imagining it, but they looked like they were trembling. And he still wouldn't even look at Rei.

"Nagisa-kun…" He stopped, painfully aware that he had nothing to say right now, but he wanted to fix this, whatever it was that had caused Nagisa's mood to change so suddenly like this. But, as quickly as it had come, Nagisa's serious demeanor faded before Rei even had a chance to think about what had happened.

"Ahh, never mind. We'll just sit at a smaller table tomorrow, ok? I promise!" Magenta eyes finally met his, which was somewhat of a relief. It wasn't like Nagisa to not make eye contact. But still, there was something behind his smile that felt off, though Rei couldn't pinpoint exactly what it was. Could it be that Rei had hurt his feelings by rejecting his request? Probably, but it seemed like it was more than that.

"A-all right. A smaller table sounds good…"

_I wish you would tell me what you're thinking._

"Ok, I'm getting cooold!" Nagisa announced as a shiver ran through his body. "I think I'm gonna head back to the dorms and get warm. Are you coming, Rei-chan?"

"Uhh…" He could have said yes. He could have gone back to the dorms with Nagisa and they could have changed into their pajamas together and burrowed under the blankets and shared each other's warmth, and… "No. I think I'm going to spend a little time in the library before going to bed."

"Oh. Ok. Well don't stay out too late!" he teased. "See you later!" And with that, he rushed back inside, quickly disappearing from view.

Rei sighed and buried his face in his hands. Though he wanted nothing more than to follow Nagisa, to catch up to him and walk him back to their room, his feet stayed firmly planted on the ground. "I need to let him go," he told himself. "He thought back to what the boy in the cafeteria had said. He didn't need to stop being his friend. But he needed to stop holding his hand. He needed to stop the late night cuddling. He needed to stop the dreams… That tight feeling came back just thinking about them. Yes, he needed to stop the dreams most of all.

Nagisa probably wouldn't understand, but… He just wanted to keep his friendship from getting into an entangled mess of hormones his first year of college. He had classes to think about- his future to think about, and here he was, agonizing over what it meant when a certain blond boy wouldn't look at him. He couldn't keep doing this, or surely it would lead to disaster. These… feelings for Nagisa, whatever kind of feelings they were, they needed to stop, or… or… well, there was only one way this would end. Nagisa would distract him, tease him, get him into trouble, drive him crazy, leave him wanting more, like he always did, and then he would leave. Nagisa was fun, entertaining, interesting, he told great stories…. He would make new friends. Rei would be focused on his studies. He would get bored of Rei. He would leave. This was how he always saw their relationship ending, and while it hadn't happened yet, he was sure it would happen once they got to college. And when it did, he didn't want any romance to be involved. It would only hurt them both more that way.

So Rei did not go back to the room. He went to the library.

"It's for the best," he said, echoing the other boy's words.

_But why is it so hard? _


	5. Chapter 5- I'm Still Here

8:35pm and still no sign of Nagisa. Rei frowned and pulled out his phone to send him a text:

_~Where are you? Did you get any of my other messages? I'm still here, but I'm leaving soon, so if you're coming, please give me a call.~_

_~Actually, give me a call anyway. My phone is on. Please call me. We need to talk.~_

Rei groaned inwardly after he hit send on that last message. It sounded pathetic, borderline desperate, which was not beautiful at all. But he couldn't help being a little worried; he hadn't seen his friend since earlier that afternoon, and he wasn't answering any of his texts. Some people might have thought he was overreacting, but Rei knew better. Nagisa always had his phone on him, and, except for when he forgot to charge it, it was always on. It wasn't like him not to respond to texts. But then again, maybe he just wasn't responding to Rei's texts. Rei sighed; he supposed he had this coming after the events of last night and earlier today, but in all fairness, it wasn't entirely his fault.

It was Nagisa who had bothered Rei even more than usual, until he couldn't take it anymore. It was Nagisa who had once again gotten them into trouble and thought nothing of it. It was Nagisa who had insisted that everything was still normal between them, when clearly it wasn't.

Well, no, that wasn't entirely true. This morning Nagisa had seemed almost normal; he had shaken him awake, greeted him with a smile, and then dragged him to breakfast. But Rei noticed the slight distance that the blonde had put between them in the way that he only grabbed onto Rei's sleeve, instead of his arm or his hand, and then he had immediately let go as soon as they reached the cafeteria. It seemed he had gotten the message last night to back off, and though Rei had to admit that he sort of missed the physical contact, he was also a little relieved. Nagisa was still being friendly, just not as clingy. If this could become the norm between the two of them, then maybe they had a real shot at staying friends. Normal friends; friends who didn't hold hands or sleep together at night…

Nagisa had definitely seemed normal when they were auditing classes. As part of the visit, they were allowed to sit in on up to three of the morning classes before they took their practice entrance exams in the afternoon. And, as expected, Nagisa had wanted to audit what he deemed to be the "fun" classes, which were history, creative writing, and art. But Rei was interested in the sciences, and when Nagisa complained about going to a physics class this early in the morning, Rei reminded him that he didn't have to come. "You can go to art class," he insisted. "I am going to physics; that doesn't mean you have to." But, as expected, Nagisa had demanded that they stay together, and when he couldn't get Rei to budge on his choices, he simply tagged along for the ride through Rei's three selected science courses.

The first class was tolerable. The content was actually fantastic; Rei loved the study of motion, especially since he was an athlete, and so learning physics allowed him to study his own motion. But with Nagisa constantly leaning over and asking him questions, it was hard to pay attention to the lesson. To his credit, some of Nagisa's questions were actually about physics, and Rei didn't mind answering those. But most were silly and unrelated, like what he wanted for lunch, or did he have any interesting dreams last night, or what was his favorite kind of butterfly. He had no idea where that last question came from, but this was Nagisa, so he didn't bother trying to figure it out.

The second class was irritating. Not only was Nagisa trying to talk to Rei, but he was also chatting with some other students at the surrounding desks. A few of them Rei recognized vaguely from last night, but some were actual college students laughing and joking with the blond. Rei couldn't believe the unprofessionalism. These people had finals next week! At one point, the group had gotten too loud, and the professor shot a warning glare at all of them. After that, they resorted to note passing, and then all Rei heard was a bunch of snickers and quiet giggling, but still, he wished he could have moved.

The third class was awful. Some of Nagisa's friends had followed them to biology, and they continued to whisper and pass notes like they were in middle school. Then, toward the end of the period, Nagisa had been trying to ask Rei a question, and when Rei didn't respond, Nagisa poked him in the side. He still had no idea what the question was, so it could have been important, but at that point he was so fed up with the blonde's antics that this just pushed him over the edge.

He still remembered how quiet the room got when he slammed his hands down on the desk. "WILL YOU QUIT IT!" he had shouted without thinking, and the room fell silent. Then he and Nagisa were promptly asked to leave. Rei was particularly fast in making his exit; he ducked his head in embarrassment and hurried out of the room, Nagisa following close behind. Once they were out in the hallway, Nagisa had immediately tried to apologize.

"I'm really sorry I got us kicked out, Rei-chan."

"I'm sure you are."

"No really; I just wanted to ask you if you-" But at that point, Rei had already started walking away. "Hey! Wait! I really didn't mean to get you in trouble, or to embarrass you like that! You have to believe me… Rei-chan… Rei-chan?"

"I don't want to hear it from you right now, Nagisa. Of course you didn't mean to; you never mean to... to embarrass me in public, or get us into trouble at school, or pull me into any of your crazy antics, but you always do! Take some responsibility for your actions for once."

"But I-"

"I have to go. The practice exam starts in about twenty minutes. Please sit somewhere else; I don't want to be distracted."

"But Rei-"

"Grow up, Nagisa. You don't need to sit next to me." And with that being said, he had stormed off, leaving Nagisa behind. He felt a twinge of guilt as he left, but he didn't dare turn around, for fear of succumbing to those pleading magenta eyes. And that was the last time he'd seen Nagisa today. He didn't know if his friend had even come to take the practice exam, but if he did, he definitely made sure not to sit anywhere near Rei, and that was fine with him.

After finishing the practice exam though, Rei had calmed down considerably; the stress of the tests were over, and he felt that he'd actually done pretty well, considering that he hadn't studied. With a bit more preparation, he would definitely be able to handle the real thing next year.

The first thing he'd done when he left the testing area was try to call Nagisa. It rang a few times and then went to voicemail though, so Rei had left a message:

"_Hey, umm… Nagisa-kun… I'm not sure if you're still taking the test, but I just wanted to say, I'm sorry for snapping at you earlier… I didn't appreciate you talking and goofing off when I was trying to listen to the lectures, but I- definitely overreacted… I was stressed, and I took it out on you. I apologize. Also… Sorry for behaving so strangely last night… I just couldn't… I… If you're still up for it, how about we take that dinner on the rooftop tonight like you suggested? Around 7pm? Please call me back when you get this. I'll see you later." _

He had been a little hesitant to add the part about dinner, but he figured it might cheer Nagisa up. Besides, if he couldn't handle dinner alone with his best friend without his feelings getting in the way, then there was no chance that this normal friendship thing was going to work. This was just something he would need to get used to.

When a half an hour had passed and Nagisa still hadn't answered, Rei sent him a text, with all of the same information. He had then gone to the cafeteria, picked up dinner for two, and brought it up to the rooftop in hopes that Nagisa might just show up. But by 7:30, Nagisa still hadn't answered him, much less, made an appearance, and so Rei started eating alone and sent him another message.

And then another.

And then another.

And then another…

He stared down at his cell phone, which had no new messages and no missed calls. It was now 9:05 pm. Had he really upset him that badly? It wasn't as if he had never snapped at Nagisa before for talking too much; it happened quite often during the school year actually. But maybe Rei had been too harsh this time; maybe he had pushed the smaller boy away for good…

He bit down on his lower lip and slowly rose to his feet. He hoped that wasn't the case. Either way, he needed to make this right; he would talk to Nagisa tonight; they were sharing a room, after all…

But when he got back to their dorm, he found it empty. Two of Nagisa's dresser drawers were left open though, and a few articles of clothing were strewn about on the floor, along with a damp towel. So he had been here, but clearly, he went out again, and Rei didn't have any idea where… He debated going out to look for him, but in the end, he just decided to wait- the blond had to come back to the room at some point... And so Rei lay down on his bed. He pulled out one of his books and started to read until his eyes felt heavy. He didn't know what time it was at that point, but he fought desperately to stay awake. Nagisa hadn't come back yet, and he wanted to be awake for when he did… But soon, sleep took over, and Rei's book fell down onto the covers, as his tired hands lost the ability to grip.

That night, he mumbled Nagisa's name in his sleep, but no one was around to hear it…

When Rei woke up, it was still dark outside. His eyes immediately darted over to the bed next to him. It was empty, still made. "Nagisa-kun?" he called out, hoping his friend might be in the bathroom. But there was no answer. He was alone. "Nagisa?"

Now he was worried. Rei quickly reached into his pocket and pulled out his cell phone once again. No new messages. No missed calls. Then he saw the time. 1:58 am. _Fuck. Fuck!_ He tried calling Nagisa one more time. This time, it didn't even ring; it went straight to voicemail.

"_Nagisa… Where the hell are you?!"_

He hung up and threw the phone down on the bed. It wouldn't do any good if the one person he was trying to reach wasn't picking up. Briefly, he thought about calling Makoto, but then he remembered that Makoto was back at home, hours away, and would be unable to help. Calling him now would likely only worry the brunette, and that wasn't going to help anyone. Rei would have to do this alone. But that was ok. He could do this. He could find Nagisa; he knew the blond very well, better than anyone probably.

Rei got up and searched the room for clues. One thing he knew for sure about Nagisa was that he was he was messy. Any room he occupied for more than an hour, he always somehow managed to disorganize. Any room he occupied for more than a day was always cluttered with his things, and he never picked up after himself. While this was usually considered an annoying trait about his friend, he hoped that it might prove to be a useful one tonight. First, he examined the bed. But the only items he found were the boy's iPod and some snacks left over from the train ride. Nothing useful… His attention then turned to the clothes on the floor. Jeans, a striped shirt, and a button down cardigan… Wait, wasn't this what he was wearing earlier? He quickly reached his hands into the pockets of the other boy's jeans and pulled out a fistful of little crumpled up pieces of paper.

_The notes he was passing in class_, Rei thought to himself.. _So that's where they went…_

He sat down on the bed and started to read them. Admittedly, he felt a little guilty reading the notes; it was an invasion of privacy, but this was an emergency. Nagisa was missing; he could have been hurt for all Rei knew, and that thought alone was what made him keep reading. He had to check for clues- a name, a place, anything that could give Rei some insight as to where Nagisa would have gone, and where he could be now at this late hour. He knew it was a long shot, but he had to try.

As he went through each note, however, he began to lose hope that any of these notes would actually help him. Most of the content was just silly little messages and pictures; at one point, a game of hangman had been started and then abandoned… But there was one note that caught Rei's attention, and it only had one thing written on it- a three digit number…

496.


	6. Chapter 6- Stumble

496… The number echoed in Rei's mind over and over again as he ran down the hall towards the elevators. It had to be a room number; there was no other logical explanation, or at least, not one that his tired mind could think of at 2 in the morning, so he was going to room 496. He was well aware that Nagisa might not even be in room 496, but maybe whoever was staying there had seen Nagisa recently, or at least have some sort of idea as to where he might be. It wasn't much of a lead, but it was the only lead he had, so he was going to follow it.

Rei stepped in the elevator and rode it up to the fourth floor. Then he followed the signs, continuing down the hallway until he found room 496. He pounded on the door; ordinarily, he would never do this at such a late hour, but courtesy be damned- this was important! There was no answer at first, so he tried again, this time knocking even louder. Finally, after knocking a third time, he heard a loud groan, followed by footsteps shuffling to the door. "I'll get it this time," he thought he heard someone say. The door opened, revealing a short, brown haired boy in sweatpants and a grey t-shirt. Though he looked like he was dressed for bed, the bags under his eyes told him that he probably hadn't slept much tonight.

"Wrong room," he grumbled.

Rei smiled apologetically. "I'm sorry for disturbing you, but I don't think you understand. I'm looking for-"

"You're looking for the party. Yeah, I know," the boy snapped. "Believe me, I know; people have been coming up here all night with drinks, food… And they all keep asking the same things: 'Where's the party?' 'I thought there was supposed to be a party; is it cancelled? Did the dean find out?' 'Isn't this room 496?' Well let me save you the trouble of asking- yes this is room 496, but you're at the wrong 496!"

"Huh?"

"You want the 496 in the on campus apartments. That's where all the upperclassmen live; _that's_ where the party is. So if you've got any buddies that are planning on going, please tell them for me. In fact, just tell everyone so I don't have to answer this door again. I just wanna get some sleep!"

"Ahh, of course; sorry again for bothering you… Goodni-" But the boy had already slammed the door in his face. _Well, that was rude,_ he thought to himself. But he supposed that if obnoxious party guests were coming to his room all night, keeping him from getting some rest, he would probably not be feeling very friendly either… But at least he knew where to go now, which was good news. Nagisa was at the party. He had to be...

_Wait. Nagisa's at the party! With college students, and alcohol, and…_

Rei ran down the stairs- he didn't even bother with the elevator- and out the building; then he continued to sprint towards what he remembered to be the on campus apartments. It was a good thing he'd paid attention during the tour because he didn't have time to get lost right now. Nagisa was already an energetic, reckless boy on his own, so in the company of a bunch of other reckless, drunken teenagers, he was sure to get himself into some kind of trouble. And what if he had been drinking too? That thought only made him sprint faster, and very soon, he was at his destination. Rei took a moment to catch his breath, the cool March air filling his lungs. It stung a little, but he couldn't help but think that his old track coach would be proud.

This time, he didn't have to wonder whether he had the right 496; he knew. Even if the brown haired boy hadn't told him, he could hear voices, laughter and loud music from outside the door. Figuring that no one would hear him if he knocked anyway, Rei let himself inside.

He understood immediately why they had chosen to have to party in this room; this was nothing like his and Nagisa's temporary dorm; this had to be some kind of suite. A small kitchen, a small dining room, a little hallway on either side, which presumably led to the bedrooms… But most of partygoers were crowded into the large living room area, where some sort of game seemed to be going on. About a dozen people were playing, most of the rest were watching, though some boys were ignoring the game in favor of the girls, or other boys, in their laps. And, of course, among those in the center of attention, there was a certain blonde haired boy…

"Heey! Isss Rei-chan!" Nagisa shouted once he recognized the new guest. "Sooo Reeei-chan, we're playin' s-ssspin the bottle; you should join!" He lowered his voice just a bit, as if he was trying to whisper. "Maybe you'll get lucky an' get ta kiss me! I'm spinning next!"

Rei stared at Nagisa, not liking how slurred his speech was, or the way he seemed to wobble back and forth even though he was seated. He was definitely drunk, though how how much he'd had to drink, Rei wasn't sure of just yet. But one thing he knew for certain- he wasn't going to let him have any more. "… No.," he said finally. "I'm not going to play such a ridiculous game."

Nagisa shrugged. "Ok, your loss…" He turned back to face the circle of students and gave the bottle a spin.

"Wait, no- Nagisa…" He weaved through the clusters of people to get to the living room, but he was too late. The bottle landed on a tall, well built college boy. He had long dark hair and blue eyes, which were hazy and unfocused at the moment. When the bottle landed on him, a huge grin spread across his face, and he motioned for Nagisa to lean in close, which he did. And before Rei could reach out and stop him, Nagisa was already in the young man's lap, and they were kissing. Rei had to admit, from where he was standing, Nagisa appeared to be a very talented kisser in the way his tongue ran over the other boy's lips and then slid into his mouth… It was just like he imagined…

The other boy's hands slid down Nagisa's back and continued down further and further. Nagisa did nothing to stop him.

Rei felt dirty for watching, but the other players were watching too, and the pair didn't seem to mind the audience. The dark haired boy slowly moved his hands back up, stopping at the top of Nagisa's pants, tugging at the fabric. Rei's eyes widened in panic.

_Surely he doesn't plan on... Oh god, he does!_he thought to himself as the the dark haired boy reached for the button on Nagisa's pants.

"Stop!" he cried. At this outburst, everyone turned to look at him, most of their faces holding looks of annoyance that someone was trying to ruin their good time. But Rei didn't care. The older boy was going too far, and it didn't look like Nagisa was going to stop him, so he felt compelled to step in. Literally. He stepped inside the circle of students and yanked Nagisa off of his kissing partner, evoking a disgruntled whine from the blond. "Rei-chan, what are ya doing?!"

"Saving you. Let's go."

"But the party's no' over yet."

"It is for you. It's late. You're drunk. We're leaving," he said firmly, grabbing Nagisa's arm.

"But I don't wanna go yet…"

"Nagisa-"

"I said I don't wanna go!" He pulled away, freeing himself from Rei's grasp. "You can go, but I'm staying; you can't tell me what to do!"

"Yeah, y' can't tell 'im wha' ta do," the blue-eyed boy chimed in. He stood and walked right up to Rei, staring him down. "Isss my apartment; isss my party, an' if 'e wants ta stay, 'e can ssstay. Sides…me n … Nagisa… were jus' gettin'… acquainted." Their faces were just inches apart. The older boy was taller and clearly stronger, but Rei tried not to show his fear. He stood his ground…

"Oh is that what you want to call it?"

"Whass your problem?"

"My problem is you; this was only a kissing game, and you crossed the line with my friend. What you were doing was inappropriate!"

"Why don't ya let your friend decide tha' for 'imself." He smirked. "Seemed ta me like 'e didn't mind… I know I didn' mind. I'd like to pick up where we left off..."

Rei clenched his fists. "I'm warning you… Don't touch him again."

"Or what? You gonna hit me?"

"Don't tempt me…"

"Hey why don' ya jus' go home, _Rei-chaaaan?!"_ the older boy sneered. He looked over at the blond, who was now backed up against the wall, watching the confrontation with wide eyes. "Let 'im stay- I'll take good care of 'im; I promise."

"Like hell you will! He is not your property; you don't own him!"

"Neither do you… Or do you?" He leaned in and whispered, "I gotta say; you don' seem like dumb blondes would be your type, but I guess everybody wants ta try it out at leas' once... Tell me, Rei... 'ave you tried out Nagisa yet? Because I think I'd like to; I'll bet 'e tastes amazing."

That did it.

"SHUT UP!" Rei pulled back his fist and swung it at the boy's face. There was a sickening crack as Rei's knuckles smashed into his nose. The boy cursed and stumbled backward, covering his face with one hand to catch the blood that was now running from his nose. Once he caught his breath, he lunged for Rei; the blood hadn't stopped flowing, but he didn't care; he charged at him full speed. But although the older boy may have had more strength and more momentum, Rei was faster. And sober. He easily dodged the attack, and the drunken boy instead toppled over a bystander. When they hit the floor, Rei took that as his opportunity to leave. He rushed over to Nagisa, grabbed his arm and ran. The blond boy stumbled, struggling to keep up, but Rei didn't slow down, and he didn't look back until they were more than halfway back to their dorms. Even when he finally did slow down, his eyes were still wide with excitement and panic, his pulse still racing, his breathing still ragged.

He kept his grip tight on Nagisa's arm as he led them back to their room. Their pace was a brisk walk, and Nagisa continued to stumble in his attempt to match Rei's long strides. The air between them was tense. They were silent, but Rei's adrenaline from the fight was still coursing through his body; he was angry, he was frustrated, and he felt like he was going to explode if he didn't do something about it. This was all Nagisa's fault. If he had just come back to the dorm room tonight like he was supposed to, none of this would have happened!

"…What is wrong with you?" he finally asked. "You ignored my phone calls all night, you didn't answer my texts… Then I woke up in the middle of the night to find that you still hadn't come home yet, and I didn't have the slightest idea where you were! Funny enough, it was those silly little notes that you were passing in class that helped me figure it out, or I might never have found you; you probably would have spent the night in that apartment, but then I guess maybe you wouldn't have cared if you did! I thought you might have been injured, or worse… But no; you were at a party; that's what was so important that you couldn't even bother to call the person whom you claim to be your best friend!"

His words were hot and thick with anger, as he continued to yell at the small blond boy next to him. Nagisa remained silent. Logically, his brain knew he should probably stop; though he was upset with Nagisa, this rage was misdirected, uncalled for, and he knew it. He should have been calm, gentle yet firm with his words, like Nagisa needed right now. The boy was obviously still in shock about what happened; it was evident in his dazed look and abnormally quiet demeanor, the way he kept his eyes glued to the pavement, his blank stare… He seemed unaware of his surroundings. Rei almost felt like a bully for yelling at him now, when he was in this state, but the harder he tried to hold the harsh words back, the faster they spilled out of his mouth.

"And you barely know those people who invited you! They're a bunch of irresponsible college kids who you talked to for a few hours, and just like that, you trust them enough to go to one of their friend's apartments?! What were you thinking?! I don't care if there were other high school students were there too; you didn't know what other kind of people were going to be in that apartment! What's worse; you got drunk, and you're underage! You could have gotten in serious trouble if you got caught; do you understand that? And then you just let that total stranger put his hands all over you, and it was as if you didn't even care. Did you know what his intentions were, Nagisa; did you have any idea? If you had heard what he told me… God, how could you be so stupid?!"

He felt Nagisa flinch at the word stupid, and he clamped a hand over his mouth. Instantly, he was filled with regret; how could he call his best friend stupid? He had never said that before. Sure, in the past he had called Nagisa thoughtless, careless, reckless, and sometimes Nagisa was all those things. But never stupid… Slowly, he removed his hand from his mouth and turned to look at Nagisa. "No. I didn't mean that; I'm sorry… You're not stupid," he added, lowering his voice as they entered the residence hall and stepped into the elevator. But the damage was already done. Nagisa's eyes continued to focus on the ground beneath them, but Rei could still see that he was tearing up. In the silence of the hallways, he could hear Nagisa's heavy, controlled breathing, and he wished he could take it all back. He wished he could go back- back to last night, when Nagisa had invited him to dinner on the rooftop. He should have said yes. Then maybe now he wouldn't be up at 3am with bruised knuckles and a trembling Nagisa. "I'm sorry," he repeated, but Nagisa didn't seem to hear.

He dropped Nagisa's arm, but only for a moment, so he could unlock their room. "Nagisa," he tried again. But Nagisa didn't say a word, didn't even acknowledge Rei as he went inside and headed straight for the bathroom. He heard the door shut. He heard the door lock. And then he heard soft, muffled sobbing, and Rei felt his heart break.

_What have I done?_

* * *

_**A/N:**_ Ahh, I'm SO sorry for that chapter ending, guys! Especially on Rei's birthday, OTL; terrible terrible timing... It's gotta get worse before it gets better though, right? I do have the rest of the story planned out though, and there is a happy ending, I promise... So don't worry; we're almost there; we can do it! Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you to all you guys who are still reading this story, and especially to the reviewers; every review is appreciated, and they make me smile, so thanks; you guys are awesome. :)

(Also, I don't know if anyone is interested, but just as a side note, I think after I finish up with this story, I wanna write some cute Reigisa Christmas feels, probably a fluffy oneshot or something, or maybe a few fluffy oneshots- idk we'll see; I just really love these cute dorks, and I wanna write more of them. :3 )


	7. Chapter 7- Far Away

Nagisa had only cried in front of him one other time. It was during their training camp when they were first years, after Rei had almost drowned. He had been flapping around in the ocean, barely keeping his head above water, thinking that he just had to hold out until somebody came to save him. He was pretty sure he'd seen Makoto a moment ago; he could keep his head up just a little longer… That's when the giant wave hit. His already blurry world soon became dark, and his lungs filled up with salt water; he couldn't breathe; he couldn't think straight. He remembered reaching his arms up, searching for the surface, but only finding more water. What was the longest amount of time people could go without oxygen? How long did he have before he would drown? These were questions that had run through his head, but in the moment, he wasn't able to think of any answers; he couldn't think of any way to save himself with all of the knowledge, logic, and theories that were quickly slipping away as his air ran out.

He was sure he was about to die when he felt slender, yet strong arms wrap around his waist. These arms pulled him up to the surface, up to where there was fresh air, which came first in choking gasps, then in deep heaving breaths before he finally calmed down enough to open his eyes. Even without the help of his glasses, he saw the shock of blonde hair bobbing above the water and knew that it was Nagisa who was pulling him to safety. Soon they reached the shore, and Nagisa dropped him onto the sand. Rei had never been so happy in his life to feel solid ground. He was still dazed when he felt Nagisa latch onto him. "R-rei! Oh my god, Rei!" The small boy's words had come out in choked sobs, as he continued to hold onto Rei, running his hands up and down his back, feeling his soaked skin, as if to make sure he was really there and not stuck at the bottom of the ocean somewhere. "You're ok!"

"Yeah," he breathed. "I am… Because of you. Thank you, Nagisa-kun… Thank you for saving me…" But Nagisa didn't acknowledge his gratitude; he only continued to cry and rub Rei's back.

"I was so scared you were gone forever! We thought we'd lost you!"

And that was the moment when Rei realized that his actions hadn't just affected him that night. They had affected all of his friends, especially Nagisa. Rei's pride and insecurities had driven him to do something foolish, and everyone had suffered because of it- because of him. Because of him, everyone was up in the middle of the night, everyone was separated, everyone was scared… Nagisa was scared. Nagisa never got scared. Not until now, and it was all his fault.

"I'm sorry for making everyone worry," he said finally, wrapping his arms around Nagisa. "That was very selfish of me. I'm so sorry…"

"Please… please don't do that again… Don't leave me."

"Never," he had said. "I promise… I'm not going anywhere. I'm right here…"

The memory of that night remained fresh in Rei's mind after all this time, and now, as he heard those rare, but familiar choked sobs, it was all he could think about. Nagisa was crying, and once again, it was his fault. What kind of a best friend was he?

"Nagisa-kun… Nagisa… Open up." There was no response, only more muffled crying sounds. "Nagisa," he pleaded. "Let me in… Please." There was a long pause, some loud sniffling, and the click of a lock before the door finally opened, revealing a puffy eyed Nagisa. He gave Rei one pitiful glance, and Rei immediately pulled him into his arms. Nagisa struggled at first, fighting to get away, but Rei stayed firm and didn't let go. He figured the smaller boy would soon give in, and sure enough he was right. Nagisa gave up the struggle and buried his face in Rei's chest. He started crying again, even louder than before, and his slender arms wrapped themselves around Rei's waist. Small fingers gripped tightly to the back of his shirt. "R-rei… I-I'm sorry!" he sobbed. Any anger Rei had felt towards the blond instantly dissolved.

"Shhh, it's ok it's ok… I forgive you."

"But-"

"Shhhh…" Slowly, Rei walked them back to his bed to sit down, and Nagisa settled into his lap. "It's all right now."

"Rei! I…"

"Don't have to say anything yet. Take your time; breathe… I'm here… I'm not going anywhere." He continued to whisper soft, sweet reassurances in Nagisa's ear, as he rubbed small circles on his back. Gradually, Nagisa's choked sobs faded into whimpers, and his breathing began to even out. Once Nagisa was calm enough to lift his head, Rei tilted his chin up so that their eyes met. "Nagisa… I'm sorry too," Rei said calmly. "I've been too tightly wound this whole weekend, and I overreacted. I said things I shouldn't have. I don't really think you're stupid… Careless maybe, but not stupid." Nagisa shook his head; his eyes began to water again.

"No; you were right. I am stupid… So so stupid! Everyone knows it- my family, my friends, my teachers… even the people here. Nobody thinks I'm smart enough to go to college; not even me…"

"Hey… Don't say that."

"No, you don't understand, Rei!" he cried, his voice growing more hysterical again. "I sat in all those science classes with you, and even when I was paying attention, I didn't understand a word those professors were saying! I- I took that practice test today, and I failed! I spent an hour just staring at the questions because none of them made any sense, and then I turned half of it in blank!" His voice cracked, as he held back another sob. "And after that; I didn't care anymore… I didn't care what that guy at the party was gonna do; I knew he wasn't a good person, but it didn't matter anymore because… I realized that I'm going to lose you… I'm not smart enough to go to this university; I'm not smart enough to go to any university! But you'll be able to go to any university you want; you'll probably go to the best one there is, and after next year, you'll move far away and leave me all alone! You'll find someone better than me- someone smarter and nicer to hang out with- someone who doesn't tease and annoy you all the time… You'll forget about me…"

Rei stared at this crumbling shell of his best friend, his mouth agape. There was a long pause as he attempted to get the words that were circling around in his head to come out of his mouth. Finally, he asked, "Is that really what you think?"

Nagisa nodded. "It's true, and we both know it… It's why you've been pulling away all weekend, isn't it? You're moving on with your smart college life, and you're embarrassed to be seen with me."

Rei saw the pain visibly etched into Nagisa's features. He felt the other boy's trembling, as he held him in his arms. He listened to each shuddering breath; Nagisa was clearly seconds away from uncontrollable sobs once again, and at the thought of that brought tears to his own eyes. He didn't know why, but Nagisa in pain was one of the worst feelings he had ever experienced. No… he did know why; he just didn't want to admit it.

_Because I love him._

"I- I- No!" Rei sputtered before he could think about what he was saying. "That's not true at all… That's not why I've been pulling away…" At Nagisa's confused look, he continued. "You are not stupid. Other people may think that, but I never will; I need you to know that, ok?… I know you're not stupid because I know better. I've seen what you can do when you really put your mind to something and truly focus. When there's no equations involved, you can write beautifully; you write better, more creative, insightful history papers than I ever could. You're a talented swimmer, and you've always tried so hard, not letting your size compromise your speed or your strength. You're a gifted speaker; the best I've ever seen. When you speak, other people stop and listen, and you have the power to motivate people to do anything… Even convince a clumsy, awkward physics boy to join the swim team when he can't even swim…"

Nagisa was blushing now; he looked as embarrassed as Rei felt, but now there was a small smile on his face, and it made all the awkward embarrassment worthwhile. "S-so… you're not ashamed of me?"

"Of course not. In fact, the only reason, I've been pulling away is because… because I didn't want to get too attached before you left me, before you found someone more interesting to talk to than me, more beautiful than me… Because being so close to you, but not actually being with you has been agonizing. Every time you hold my hand, or rest your head on my shoulder, or… mumble my name in your sleep as you lie next to me at night… it hurts because I have to hold back. I can't hold back anymore, Nagisa; I can't pretend that we're friends during the day and then have you crawl into my bed at night… If you're going to share my bed, then… I want to be with you, not just next to you… Because I love you. And up until now, I was so sure that you didn't love me back, but now I- well, I'm not sure of anything right now, but I think there… might be a chance that you… Nagisa-kun?"

Nagisa had been silent this whole time, but Rei had only just now noticed the tears streaming down his cheeks. "Rei-chan… Rei…" he whispered. "You might just be the dumbest smart person I know."

"Erg- Hey!" But Nagisa shushed him, bringing one of his delicate fingers up to Rei's lips as he shook his head.

"From the moment I first saw you on the train that day… You had your face buried in a physics book, but I still noticed you- how could I not? There was a tall, strong boy with gorgeous blue hair standing right over me. And then you looked at me, and I saw your eyes. Deep purple, hidden behind red glasses, but still… beautiful." He reached up and plucked Rei's glasses from his face. Rei reached out for them, but Nagisa tossed them onto the floor. "And then…" he continued, not missing a beat. "Then, you left me. You got off the train and started running, and I watched you go until the train sped past you… I thought, wow; this is a person worth chasing! And I was right… So I ran after you, hoping that you'd slow down, that you'd turn around and notice me… that one day, we'd run together… I love you, Rei-chan. You're smartest, kindest, most amazing person I've ever met. And I'm so happy that I met you… I've always wanted to be with you, not just next to you," he said, using Rei's words to get his point across.

"Me too," Rei whispered, and then his breath was taken away as Nagisa leaned in and kissed him. It wasn't perfect; it took him a whole twenty seconds for him to fully realize what was going on before he was able to kiss back, and he was sure that his technique was inferior to Nagisa's, and his angle was off, and they squirmed around on the bed for awhile, trying to find the perfect position… But that didn't make it any less beautiful. Rei ran his fingers through Nagisa's soft wavy blond hair. Nagisa, in turn, slid his hands under Rei's shirt, feeling his broad shoulders and muscled chest. Rei did the same to Nagisa's back and felt his smooth skin. It felt warm. It felt like home.

The kiss grew more heated, more desperate… It was obvious that both had waited a long time for this. Shirts and jackets were tugged off, pants unzipped and thrown to the floor. Legs entangled, lips locked, fingers exploring… It was just like in Rei's dreams, except this was real. It wasn't long before the warmth he felt in his face spread downward, but when Nagisa's hand started to slide inside Rei's underwear, he stopped him. Nagisa looked up at Rei, eyes wide and guilty. "I'm sorry… Do you not want-"

"No, no, of course I want to; just not tonight. Then, before he could stop himself, he added, "I don't want our first time to be in here, in this messy dorm room on this tiny bed. I want it to be somewhere more special."

Nagisa chuckled. "Ok, Rei-chan. I'm telling you though; we could have made this bed pretty special if you had just let me keep going…"

"Oh, hush." He rubbed Nagisa's hair affectionately before climbing underneath the covers, urging him to do the same. "Come on now; I think we could both use some sleep…" And so, for the second time that weekend, Nagisa burrowed under the blankets and snuggled next to Rei, resting his head on his chest. The difference tonight, was that Rei was expecting it. In fact, he welcomed it. He wrapped an arm around the blond boy's waist and pulled him in closer. He gave a light squeeze to Nagisa's upper thigh, and Nagisa let out a high-pitched squeak and batted Rei's hand away. Rei chuckled, and Nagisa pouted and told him not to do that again; he was very ticklish there. Rei shrugged and gave him a smug smile, that is, until Nagisa found his ticklish spot. He poked the side of his stomach, and a soft squeal and high pitched giggle escaped Rei's lips. He blushed. That was not beautiful at all.

But Nagisa simply smiled and kissed him on the cheek. "You're cute. I can't wait to find out the rest of your ticklish spots… I've known about that one for awhile!"

"Nagisa-kun!"

"Yeeees?"

"You- Y-you are- nothing… we really need to sleep. Come on, get comfortable…"

Once again, the two of them found their comfortable positions, this time much more quickly than before. Rei couldn't help but notice how well they seemed to fit together, and how having Nagisa so close to him, with his head on his chest, and their arms wrapped around each other, made him feel safe and secure. He sighed contently and closed his eyes. This was the most relaxed he'd been in a long time because tonight, he didn't have to worry about calculations or theories. He didn't have to agonize over hidden feelings or mixed messages. Everything was clear and out in the open. He loved Nagisa, and Nagisa loved him back. He actually loved him back… This sent a new kind of warmth through his body, a happy, blissful kind of warmth. He pulled Nagisa in even closer…

Rei was just about to fall asleep when he heard a quiet noise from the blond boy next to him.

"Rei," he mumbled.

"Yes?"

"Rei-chan… Rei-chan… Don't leave me…" Rei's eyes widened. He didn't know if Nagisa was asleep or not, but he did know now that he fully understood the significance of those words that the other boy had cried into his chest almost two years ago. And still, his answer was the same.

"Never."

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_**A/N:**_ Well, my dear readers, we have one more concluding chapter, and then this story will be complete. I hope you've all enjoyed reading it as much as I've enjoyed writing it! I will definitely be writing more Reigisa in the future (maybe some singing boyfriends? I wanna write Christmas, but god those Reigisa duet previews have destroyed me with feels; they are so damn cute 3) Thanks again for the reviews; it brightens my day to see them :3


	8. Chapter 8- Home

Morning came quickly. Too quickly in Rei's opinion, so when the alarm he had set on his phone went off, he groaned. That meant that it was 7:30 AM, which meant breakfast in the cafeteria with all those other kids and crowds and noises and closing ceremonies and packing bags, getting ready to go home… Home… Where there wouldn't be an adorable little blond boy sleeping by his side every night. He took one look at Nagisa, who was nestled comfortably on his chest and decided that morning could wait just a little longer. He turned off the alarm and went back to sleep.

Rei didn't wake up again until almost eleven, and this time, he turned to his sleeping partner and awoke him with a gentle kiss on the forehead. "Nagisa-kun," he whispered. "Nagisa-kun, wake up." Nagisa's eyes fluttered open, and for a moment he appeared dazed and confused, but once he saw Rei, he smiled.

"Good morning, Rei-chan," he answered with a yawn. "Is it time to get up already?"

"Actually, it's past time to get up. Way past time. It's 10:48."

"Oh, ok, that's not so- WAHH TEN FOURTY-EIGHT?" His eyes widened in panic; he bolted upright, and started patting his hair, trying to smooth down his bedhead. "Rei-chan, why didn't you wake me up earlier?! We're going to be late!"

"Nagisa"

"We're gonna be so so late- we're already late, and I lost my schedule so I don't know where we're supposed to go, or if we're in small groups again- oh I hope we're not in small groups again!

"Nagisa-"

"Our group leader hates me already after yesterday, and now she's gonna hate me even more now that I made us both late, and now she's probably gonna hate you too; she's gonna chew us out, Rei; I'm so sorry! I was just really tired, and I-"

"Nagisa-kun!" The blond looked up at him, startled by his outburst, and at once, Rei's features softened. "It's ok," he said quietly, taking hold of the smaller boy's hands. "It's ok… I don't mind." Nagisa stared at him, clearly confused.

"Huh? But-"

"It's my fault that we're late. I turned off my alarm this morning."

"But why?"

"Because I- care more about your well being than about being on time. You needed your sleep. We both did. Also because… because you look beautiful when you sleep… Like an angel..." he found himself saying before he realized it, and then once he did, his face turned bright red. Now it was his turn to be flustered. "Not that I uh- w-watch you or anything; I-I-I uh just noticed that-" But Nagisa cut him off by tackling him back down onto the pillows and showering his face and neck with light little kisses. Rei couldn't complain; it filled his heart with some of that same warmth that he had felt last night and brought a smile to his face. "Well, that was the nicest morning greeting I have ever received," he said finally when his voice returned to him.

Nagisa simply giggled. "Get used to it." He lay on top of Rei for a few more minutes, and the two were silent. It was a nice silence though; Nagisa ran his fingers through Rei's messy hair, and Rei ran his fingers down Nagisa's back, occasionally stopping and tracing small patterns in certain spots. They looked at each other, smiled at each other, but neither spoke. They communicated through their touches, knowing that they both felt comfort in their closeness. Rei just wanted to stay like this all day, in bed, with Nagisa on top of him… He knew this wasn't possible though, so he would settle for an extra five minutes or so.

It was Nagisa who broke the silence as he slowly moved off of Rei and climbed out of bed. "But seriously, our group leader is going to chew us out when we finally over there and join the others," he said. "What do you think we should tell her?"

"I think… I think we should just not go."

"Ehh?"

"Let's just skip today's activities. We'll pack up, we can stop somewhere for food, and then we'll head home."

"Rei-chan, you want to ditch something school related?! Are you feeling ok?"

Rei chuckled. "Yes; I'm fine- it's just that we've missed most of today's activities already, so there's no point in going now… Besides, I think I've seen enough of this college, and, I don't think I'll be attending here next spring. I'm thinking we might try visiting another college somewhere closer next time. Perhaps… Osaka? I know of at least one university around there where there's a backstroke swimmer who would be a great addition to our team. A freestyle swimmer too I believe." Nagisa's face lit up.

"Really, Rei-chan? You'd consider it?!"

"Of course."

The two quickly got dressed and packed up their things, which took a little longer than expected, with Nagisa's things scattered all over the entire room. Rei found two pairs of socks and an unopened package of pocky under Nagisa's bed, and he had no idea how they managed to get under there. (Nagisa had no idea either). Rei also made their beds and threw Nagisa's trash in the garbage can, and then they were finally ready to leave. They gave their room keys back to the receptionist and then quickly snuck off campus, making sure they weren't seen by any of the other students, or worse, their group leader. Rei felt a little guilty for sneaking out, but since he didn't officially go to this school, and he didn't ever plan to return, there wasn't really anything they could do to punish him. Still, the fact that they were technically sort of breaking the rules and ditching a school event gave him a slight adrenaline rush, and he'd never admit this to Nagisa, but he kind of liked it.

Once they were off campus, Rei found a nearby café that was still serving breakfast, and so they sat down and ate pancakes and strawberry crepes (and bacon and eggs and sausage and more pancakes, in Nagisa's case- that boy could eat!), and they just talked. Nagisa told Rei that he wanted Rei and Rei only, and that they could have as many or as few friends as Rei was comfortable with, as long as they were together.

Rei, in turn, told Nagisa that he would not leave him behind, no matter what, even if he had to spend all next year tutoring him in math and science. Nagisa would pass his entrance exams- Rei would make sure of that. Because going to college without Nagisa was no longer an option. In fact, if Rei was truly honest with himself, it was never an option; he just hadn't realized it until now. They left the café smiling, bags on their shoulders, hands intertwined, further confirming that what happened the night before was completely real.

Now, as they were on the train, heading home, Nagisa's head was resting on Rei's shoulder, but this time, he wasn't asleep. And this time, Rei didn't try to move him. Instead, he wrapped an arm around his new boyfriend and allowed him to snuggle into his chest, which Nagisa happily did. He was quiet again, but Rei could still tell he was happy; he felt it in his body language- the way he relaxed against Rei, like there was no place else he'd rather be than right here. Rei had a feeling that there would be no complaining about the long trip home…

He pulled out his book to read, but he couldn't really focus on it. Instead, his attention was on the blond boy pressed up against him and the warmth he felt from being so close to him. So when Nagisa pulled away, Rei instinctively pulled him back, causing the other boy to laugh.

"Relax, Rei-chan," he said, reaching for his backpack. "I was just getting us some music." He reached into the front pocket and took out his pink iPod. Rei nodded and looked down at the floor as an earbud was being shoved into his ear.

"Oh uhh, right… I knew that," he said sheepishly. "Sorry."

"It's fine… Remember what I said the other day? I like it when you take charge sometimes." Then he winked, and Rei turned as red as his glasses.

_So he did know how suggestive that comment was… Does this mean he expects me to-? _

His train of thought stopped as the warmth against his chest returned, and instantly he felt more at ease. Because, as cheesy as it may sound, and as embarrassing as it may be to admit, somewhere along the way, despite all of his worrying and complaints, he had grown used to Nagisa's affection. Grown used to it to the point where it felt strange to not have him close...

Rei sighed contently as he rested his head on top of Nagisa's soft golden hair. He didn't know what they were listening to, but it had a soft melody that was slowly lulling him to sleep, and it looked like it was having the same effect on the blond. "Hey Nagisa-kun," he whispered as his boyfriend's head began to droop.

"Yeah?"

"Would you like to stay at my house tonight? It'll be late when we get back."

Nagisa smiled and closed his eyes. "Only if I get to use you as a pillow… Also, pajamas optional."

"U-umm… Deal." And although Rei Ryugazaki had just agreed to a naked sleepover with his boyfriend, even though he was horribly unprepared for what was usually included in a naked sleepover, he couldn't help but feel content. He had earned one more night of being close to Nagisa, one more night of laughter and warm kisses…

One more night of feeling at home.

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_**A/N: **_And that's the end! Thanks for all the positive comments, guys; they really helped encourage me to keep writing :). (Also, I've got another Reigisa fic in the works, so if you liked this one, stick around, I'll be back soon!)


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